Preface

Sometimes I wonder how I find myself in the predicaments I so frequently do.  This very morning I was standing in one of the most fabulous, unique and enchanting bridal shops giving an attempted one month’s notice, (simply because I’m considerate, and “two weeks” is kind of blaise) after having been chided LOUDLY for “not saying hello first” to the proprietress of said boutique during the first 10 minutes of my shift.  Sometimes you can only be scolded for so many ludicrous things before you throw your hat in, flail your arms about and retort “I’m not insane!  You are!”  LOUDLY.  One month’s notice quickly turned into 2 minutes‘ notice, and I really enjoyed having this afternoon off.

I’ve worked with animals, children, yogis, esthetics, hospitality, and most recently retail.  I can easily spout what I don’t want to be when I grow up- but even that answer usually equates to a list of recently encountered character flaws.  (Insanity, anyone?) Why can’t I just be a wise and competent version of myself who is compensated handsomely for my sheer fabulousness?  “Amazing!  What a wonderful pet-guardian you are, here’s enough to cover rent.  I know how valuable Chloe’s walks are.” or “How lovely is the little vignette in your living room!  Will this cover groceries?”  Is that so much to ask?  And why did society move away from the barter-system, again?

Somewhere along the way I’ve been taught that certain goals and ideals aren’t feasible, or reasonable replies to the ever-present “What shall you be when you grow up” question- which really feels more like a sentence of sorts than any type of awe-inspiring conversation starter.  First and foremost, growing up is over-rated.  Secondly, I firmly believe the following answers are valid and should never be chortled at: Scarlett O’Hara, Snow White (Cinderella, Rapunzel, or at the very least the Princess with that annoyingly uncomfortable legume under her bedding- really, I could pull that off), a spinster with a lovely spinning wheel, tarot reader extraordinaire, fairy tale researcher, vision board designer or guinea pig troubadour.  I do have skills, really, I do.  

At what point in my co-dependent, people-pleasing, grating existence will I overcome the mountain of expectations everyone else seems to enjoy setting for me, and just find my own niche?  Maybe this process will help me to discover my path and maybe the wise, competent version of myself along the way.  I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her lurking in the periphery.