Strong Enough

I've been reading David Deida's work.  This is a muddled, not-direct sampling:  when you're distraught, raging and throwing punches and all but scream (and sometimes do) to be left alone; do you want a man who will quietly step out of the room and let you storm? or do you want a man who will wrap his arms around you while you forcefully tempest-thrash until you can *feel* his love, feel that he's on your side through his silent, patient embrace?

I want that.  I want Shiva.  I need Shiva.  For I am Kali, and at times I rage and at times I go insane from the blood of life's demons and I war-dance-crazy.  Though I may look like Lalita: coy, sweet and innocent, I am none of those things and all of those things and everything in between and beyond those boundaries of reason.  I am unapologetic and I believe there is some-man who will recognize my passion for what it is- raw, emotive energy; and be empowered and driven and intoxicated by it.  For I am intoxicating.  I am breathtaking and unbroken, unfettered and glorious in my wildness.  I am.

I am humble.

I am small as I am vast.

I am the silence that echoes before- and after the waves crash.

I am the ringing of bells and wafting incense.

I am Emptiness.

I am effulgence.

I am deep sorrow and exultant joy.

I am orgasms and dark chocolate; Hail Mary's and retreat cave prostrations

I am afraid.

I am surrender.

I am all that is ugly and all that is sane.

I am unhinged.

I am balance.

I am.

Strong Enough