Muchness

Realizations flash past my eyes, open or closed, and I've now realized it's time to wake up.  There is no knight in shining armor, no valiant prince going to come and sweep me off my feet.  What a realization for a woman lost in the mythos of her own personal fairytale.  

It makes me contemplate Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland- where she returns to Underland (Wonderland) to discover her inner muchness and slay her own (inner) dragons.  She falters, she mis-steps, but in the end, she uncovers her true Self; fights, defends and conquers that which has repressed her for nearly her entire existence- societal constraints and a lack of self confidence.  Alice realized she didn't need saving, and there was no one better for the task at hand than herself.  What an awakening.  What an empowerment.  

I wonder, where is my Vorpal Blade?  Truly, my tongue is razor-sharp- though I wonder if perhaps my slaying power comes not when my tongue lashes snicker-snack.. but in its silence.  If only I knew how to recognize my personal Jabberwock.  He is not nearly so vast, or slithy as would make him unmistakable in a crowd.  He is smaller, far more mundane.  Perhaps my own Shadow-self.  All the dark aspects of my being that I've fought against so long- rebelled and pushed against, the cultural and societal pressures of what it is to be an American, a Woman... Maybe I don't need a prince.  Maybe I just need to find my muchness.  After all, if Alice didn't need to live happily ever after, maybe I don't, either.